Friday, November 14, 2008

Use the comments to help me punch this up.

I was perusing the internets last week looking for an alternative to sanding the floors in my house. When I stumbled across your Mr. Sandless™ website I was floored, get it? Not only could I get my floors refinished, I could retain some of the aging that has given my floor what little character it now retains.
It got me to thinking, What a great opportunity for me! There was no local franchise!
Dan, you do the math.....a couple of hundred thousand people, most of them retirees with way to much filthy money, looking for an alternative to the interruption of conventional floor refinishing. Hell, with the market in the crapper (pardon my French) refinishing floors is "where it's at" as the kids say!
I requested more info on your franchise opportunities for Mr. Sandless™. I was impressed with the fact that it only took a week to respond to my email. Hey, that could only mean one thing; you were busy with your Mr. Sandless™ empire! I had to get in on this gold mine!
I forwarded my resume as you requested so you could see I wasn't some yo-yo with only a high school education. Again, it took some time for you to get back to me (wink, wink). Along with my letter I implied that a visit to one of your jobs in progress in Atlanta would be a great idea as you certainly have reached into THAT market and I would be down there on business in the near future; kinda like killing two birds with one stone, right? I love it when I can kill two birds with one stone, don't you?
Well, imagine my excitement when you called me PERSONALLY on my cellular phone on Friday around 3 p.m.! It was an honor, sir to talk to you.
At first you told me the territory was taken. DRATS, I thought! But, where were they? How come I couldn't find them online? Why were they not in the phone book?
You explained that Raleigh, Greensboro, and Charlotte were all taken by Mr. Sandless™ franchisees.
Wait a minute......Asheville is TWO hours from the closest of those cities! Maybe there was hope for me yet. I asked you to actually look at a map as a sorta "cross reference" and "double check" your facts. Whew! Imagine how relieved I was to find you were relying on someone else's data that had been forwarded to you. You looked at an actual map and saw the need for a new partner in the Western part of the state.
Well to make a long story short, you told me there was absolutely no way I could actually watch the process that actually re-finishes floors without sanding them due to the fact that some guy tried to SCAM you some time ago by starting up a similar business after he had gotten an eyeful of "the Mr. Sandless™ process".
I hear you LOUD AND CLEAR, Dan! I don't blame you for being so protective of "the Mr. Sandless™ process".
You said the only way I could actually SEE "the Mr. Sandless™ process" was to buy a franchise.
At first it seemed odd, then It seemed like sheer lunacy! Lunacy that I didn't think of it first! Keep the Mr. Sandless™ process secret from everyone except the franchise holders; that way only the true progressives and forward thinkers will reap the rewards of foresight; that way, there is absolutely no scamming going on. Where do I sign, Dan?
Dan, please don't keep me in suspense too much longer. I want you to know that I really am a forward thinker and a progressive.
Hell, My wife often says I'm prescient and my mother says I'm awesome.
Where do I sign, Dan?
John Weeks
P.S. Your last letter said
"Brand new and available: Dr. DecknFence® Outdoor Wood Refinishing!

See for this outdoor version of Mr. Sandless, with franchises now available in non-registrations states!"

Please tell me I live in a non-registrations state...if so, I'm in!

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